Tsarskoe Selo, April 4-th 1915
My very own Treasure,
Once more you are leaving us, and I think with gladness, because the life you had here, all excepting the work in the garden - is more than trying and tiring. We have seen next to nothing of each other through my having been lain up, Full many a thing have I not had time to ask, and when together only late in the evening, half the thoughts have flown away again. God bless your journey my beloved One, and may it again bring success and encouragement to our troops. You will see a bit more I hope before you get to the Headquarters and should Nikolasha say any thing to Voyeikoy in form of a complaint, have it at once stopped and show that you are the master. Forgive me, precious One, but you know you are too kind and gentle - sometimes a good loud voice can do wonders, ard and severe look - do my love, be more decided and sure of yourself - you know perfectly well what is right, and when you do not agree and are right, bring your opinion to the front and let it weigh against the rest. They must remember more who you are and that first they must turn to you. Your being charms every single one, but I want you to hold them by your brain and experience. Though Nikolasha is so highly placed, yet you are above him. The same thing shocked our Friend, as me too, that Nikolasha words his telegrams, answers to governors, etc. in your style -- his ought to be more simple and humble and other things. - You think me a medlesome bore, but a woman feels and sees things sometimes clearer than my too humble sweetheart. Humility is God's greatest gift - but a Sovereign needs to show his will more often. Be more sure of yourself and go ahead - never fear, you won't say too much. - Dear old Fredericks, may all go well with him - I feel he goes for your cause as he alone can allow himself to say anything to Nikolasha. Grabbe will amuse you at domino and when N. P. is with you, I feel always quiet, as he is quite our own and nearer to you than the rest, and is young and not as heavy as Dmitri Sh. - That reminds me, what about Dmitri P. is he ever going to stick here?
Look what a letter, but it seems I have not talked to you simply for ages (and Ania imagines hourly we do)!
Perhaps you can find time to go to one of the hospitals at Bielostok as very many wounded pass there and see that Fredericks does not insist upon accompanying you upon bad roads, Feodorov must keep a severe watch over him. -
How lonely it will be without you, my Sunshine! Tho' I have the children - but lying without work now is difficult and I long to get back to the hospital. To-morrow the Dr. wont come, (unless I should feel worse) as he wishes to be at the funeral of a friend of his. - It's a rest not seeing poor Ania and hearing her grumbling.
You open the windows nicely in my compartment then yours won't be so stuffy. -
Sweetheart, you will find some flowers (kissed by me) upon your writingtable, it cheers up the compartment.
Goodbye and God bless you, Lovy my very Own dear One - I press you tenderly to my heart and kiss you all over and hold you tight, oh so tight.
Ever yr. very own wify
Tsarskoe Selo, April 4-th 1915
My own precious One,
A Feldjeger leaves this evening at 5, so I must write to you, tho' have no news to give. Thanks sweety for sending Baby back to rest with me, so I had to keep my tears back, not to grieve him - I got back into bed a he lies for half an hour near me. Then the girls returned. -
It is so hard every time - it wrenches at one's heart and leaves such ache and endless longing - Ortipo too feels sad, and jumps up at every sound and watches for you. Yes Deary, when one really loves - one indeed loves! Dreary weather too. I am looking through masses of postcards from soldiers - Ania sent me lovely red roses as goodbye from N. P. - they stand near my bed and smell too divinely, do thank him for his awfully kind thoughts and that I was very sad not to have been able to say goodbye to him. She gave him a letter for you, as wrote it late and he went straight to church from her. All the girls have gone to M. and A.'s hospital to the concert arranged by Marie's friend D. - Baby was going to play near the white tower with D.'s children. -
Each child brought me your message - ah lovy mine, I cry now like a big baby - and see your sweet, sad eyes, so full of love before me. -
Keep well, my treasure - wify is ever near you in thoughts and prayers. 1000 kisses. God bless and protect you and keep you from all harm.
Ever yr. very own old
Tsarskoe Selo, April 5-th 1915
My own huzy darling,
Just got your telegram. This is wonderful. You left at 2 and arrived at 9. When you leave at 10 you reach there only at 12! Bright, sunny weather, I hear the birdies chirping away. Wonder why you changed your plans. - The girls have just gone to church; baby moves the arms better, tho' water in elbows still he says. Yesterday he went with Vladimir Nikolaievitch to Ania and she was mad with joy, he goes again today to see Rodionov and Kozhevikov. Now she has Vladimir Nikolaievilch to show how to electrify her leg - every day a new Doctor. Tatiana and Anastasia were there in the day and found our Friend with her. He said the old story that she cries and sorrows as gets so few caresses. So Tatiana was much surprised and He answered that she receives many, only to her they seem few. Her humour seems not famous (the chief mourner) and notes cold, so mine too. -
I did sleep alright, as so awfully tired - but feel the same so far. Yesterday again 37.3, this morning 36.7, and morning's headache - the empty cushion beside me makes me, oh so sad! Dear sweet One, how is all aranging itself? You will let me have telegrams through fat Orlov when there are news, won't you? - Spent the evening lying quietly and the girls each reading a book. Olga and Tatiana went for 1/2 an hour to the hospital to see how all were. - I hear Shot barking before the house. - I send you your Image from our Friend of St. John the Warrior, wh. I forgot to give yesterday morning.
I have been rereading what our Friend wrote when he was at Constantinopel, it is doubly interesting now - quite short impressions. Oh, what a day when mass will again be served at St. Sophie. Only give orders that nothing should be destroyed or spoiled belonging to the mahomedans, they can use all again for their religion, as we are Christians, and not barbarians, thank God! How one would love to be there at such a moment! The amount of churches everywhere used or destroyed by the Turks is awful because the Greeks were not worthy to officiate and have such temples. May the Orthodox Church be more worthy now and be purified again. - This war can mean so colossaly much in the moral regeneration of our Country and Church - only to find the men to fulfil all your orders and to help you, in all your immense tasks! -
Here I am back again - lay two hours on the sopha, had Mme Zizi half an hour with petition - feel rottenly weak and tired and she did not approve of my looks. - My dear, Ania has been wheeled by Shuk as far as Voyeikov's house, Dr. Korenev near her and was not a bit tired - now tomorrow she wants to come to me! Oh dear, and I was so glad that for a long time we should not have her in the house, I am selfish after 9 years, and want you to myself at last and this means, she is preparing to invade upon us often when you return or she will beg to be wheeled in the garden, as the park is shut (so as to meet you) and I wont be there to disturb. Shall give Putiatin the order to let her in to the big park, her chair wont spoil the roads. - I should never have ventured out - what a sight ! Covered by a shuba and shawl on her head - I said better a tennis cap and her hair plaited tidily will strike less. The man is needed in the Feodorov hospital and she uses him constantly. I told her to go to Znamenia before coming to me -- I foresee lots of bother with her; all hysteria! Pretends to faint when one pushes the bed, but can be banged about in the streets in a chair.
The children went out before one, and I shant see them till 5 for quite short, then they go off to Ania to see our officers, Baby after his dinner. I was up fr. 1-3. - Fancy your having had snow in the night! Sweetest treasure - how I miss you ! Long and lonely days - so when head aches less copy out things of our friends, and then the time passes quicker. Please give my love to N. P. & Grabbe.
What a lot of prisoners we have taken again! Now this must go. - Goodbye, Nicky love, I bless and kiss you over and over again with all the tenderness of wh. I am capable.
Ever yr. very own old
Tsarskoe Selo, April 6-th 1915
My own beloved Darling,
Ever such tender thanks for yr. precious letter, I just received. It is such an intense joy to hear from you, Sweetheart & comfort, as I miss you awfully I - So that is why you did not travel as intended ! But the idea of L. & P. already now makes me anxious, is it not too soon, as all the spirits -are not much for Russia - in the country, yes, but not at L. I fear. - Well, I shall ask our Friend to quite particularly pray for you there - but, forgive my saying so - its not for N. to accompany you -you must be the chief one, the first time you go. You find me an old goose, no doubt, but if others wont think of such things, I must. He must remain & work as usual - really don't take him, as the hate against him must be great there - & to see you alone will rejoice those hearts that go out to you in love and gratitude. - Such sunshine! The little girlies drove between their lessons - & I am going to have Ania's visit!! The Dr. lets me get up more, only to lie when the temp. rises, heart nearly normal, but feel horribly weak yet, & my voice like Miechens when she is tired. - One just brought me an endless letter fr. the Countess Hohenfelsen - I send it you to read through in a free moment, & then return it to me. Only speak to Fredericksz about it. Certainly not on my namesday or birthday as she wishes - but all can be alright in her wish, excepting the "Princess", that is vulgar to ask for. You see it will sound well when one announces them together, almost as Grand Duchess. Only what reason to Misha later - both had children before, whilst married to another man, tho' no, Misha's wife was already divorced. And she forgets this eldest son - if one acknowledges the marriage fr. the year 1904, this Son, clear to all, was an illegal child - for them I don't mind, let them openly carry their sin but the boy? You speak it over with the old man, those things he understands, & tell him what yr. Mamma said when you mentioned it to her. Now perhaps people will pay less attention. -
My love to N. P. & tell him the roses are still quite fresh. -
Here I am back into bed again, was 3 hours on the sopha - so stupidly weak & tired. Well, Ania came, & she has invited herself to luncheon one of these days. Looks very well, but did not seem so overjoyed to see me, nor that had not seen me for a week, no complaint, thank goodness - but those hard eyes again wh., she so often has now. - The Children are all out; Baby's arms are better, so he could write to you Sweetheart. - Mary Wassiltchikov's son-in-law Shcherbatov, (ex-naval officer) died suddenly yesterday. He had recovered from typhoid & was taking tea with his wife, nice Sonia, when suddenly died from a failure of the heart - poor young widow! You remember her last baby was born the day of Ducky's gardenparty for the English naval officers - the grandmother came straight there.
I wonder how Fr. conversation with N. went off. Our Friend is glad for the old man's sake that he went, as it gave such intense pleasure, & perhaps its the last time he can accompany you on such a journey - well, as long as he is prudent, -
Have been choosing, as yearly, summer stuffs for my ladies and the maids and housemaids.
Au fond, our Friend wld. have found it better you had gone after the war to the conquered country, I only just mention this like that. -
The man is waiting for my letter. -
Beloved Nicky, my, very, very own treasure, I bless & cover yr. sweet face & lovely big eyes with the tenderest of kisses,
Ever yr. very own
No. 59. Tsarskoe Selo, April 7-th 1915
My very own sweet One,
Every possible tender wish for to-morrow. The first time in 21 years we dont spend this anniversary together. - How vividly one remembers all! Ah my beloved Boy, what happiness & love you have given me all these years - God verily richly blessed our married life. For all your wify thanks you from the depths of her big loving heart. May God Almighty make me a worthy helpmate of yours, my own sweet treasure, my sunshine, Sunbeam's Father! -
Tudels just brought me your dear letter, & I thank you for it with all my heart - such joy when I receive it, & many a time it is reread. I can imagine what a funny sight Grabbe sticking in the bogg, must have been; those walks I am sure do all no end of good. - How interesting all you are going to do. When A. told Him in secret, because I want His special prayers for you, he curiously enough said the same as me; that on the whole it does not please Him "God will help; but it is (too early) to go now, he will not observe anything, will not see his people, it is interesting, but better alter the war,"
Does not like N. going with you, finds everywhere better alone - & to this end I fully agree. Well now all is settled, I hope it will be a success, & especially that you will see all the troops you hope to, it will be a joy to you, & recompense to them. God bless & guard this voyage of yours. Probably you will see both Xenia & Olga & Sandro. In case you see a sister all in black anywhere, its Mme Hartwig (von Wiesen) - she is at the head of my stores & often at the station. - I am feeling much the same, 37.2 in the evening. 36.6 this morning - a little redness is still there. -
I am glad you send Fred. by rail to L. - Grey, rainy morning rather. - My letters are so dull, have only report to read & that is all, seeing people tires me too much, tho' I long for a glimpse of Koj. Rod & Kubl. who will be at Anias from 3-4, they leave this evening for 0. Tell Fred. I send him my love & beg of him to be very good & prudent, & to remember he is no longer a wild young cornet! - I send you some lilies of the valley, I kissed, & wh. are to perfume yr. little compartment. The note for Olga yr. man can send her at Lvov, as you wont have time to think about it. I saw Rod & Kubl both look well & brown - longing I think to go with the Plastuny special force & not only for the end (they are to be spared one says) but this they did not tell me. Now all & Baby take tea at Anias. She came this morning. My blessings, tenderest prayers suround you. 1000 of kisses. Ever yr. old
Of course I understand if you are a day or two later back. You also may like a fly to Livadia ! - All the children kiss you - they & I send love to N. P. - Have sent Ropsha strawberries.
No. 60 Tsarskoe Selo, April 8-th 1915
My very own beloved Husband,
Tenderly do my prayers & grateful thoughts full of very deepest love linger around you this dear anniversary! How the years go by! 21 years already! You know I have kept the grey princesse dress I wore that morning? And shall wear yr. dear brooch. Dear me, how much we have lived through together in these years - heavy trials everywhere, but at home in our nest, bright sunshine !
I send you in remembrance an Image of St. Simeon - leave it for always as a guardian angel in your compartment - you will like the smell of the wood. -
Such a sunny day! - Poor Mme Viltchkovsky is going to have her apendicitis cut out - she lies in our little room, where Ania was the first night. They say she looks so clean & apetising in white & lace with pretty ribbons in jacket & hair - Navruzov who is there again - comes & looks after her, writes down her temp. & is most touching with her - am in despair not to be with her. - Lovy mine, how can I thank you enough for that ideally lovely cross? You do spoil me, I never for a second imagined you would think of giving me anything. How lovely it is! Shall wear it to-day - just what I like, & this one we had not seen. And yr. note & the dear letter - all came together after the Dr. He lets me go on the balkony, so I shall get Ania to come out there. - I see now why you take N. with you, thanks for explaining deary.
The sweet flower has gone into my gospel - we used to pick those flowers in spring on the meadow at Wolfsgarten, before the big house always. - Am sure you will all return nicely bronzed. - My throat is almost in order, heart still not yet quite normal, tho' I take my drops & keep so quiet.
I hear the Churchbells ring, & long to go to Znamenia & pray there for you - well my candle burns here too for you, my very own treasure.
I am finishing my letter to you on the sopha. The big girls are in town, the little ones walked, then went to their hospital & now have lessons, Baby is in the garden. I lay for 3/4 of an hour on the balkony - quite strange to be out, as it happens so rarely I get into the fresh air. The little birdies were singing away - all nature awakening & praising the Lord! Doubly it makes one feel the misery of war & bloodshed - but as after winter cometh summer, so after suffering & strife, may peace & consolation find their place in this world & all hatred cease & our beloved country develop into beauty in every sense of the word.
It is a new birth - a new beginning, a "Lauterung" & cleansing of minds and souls only to lead them aright and guide them straight. So much to do, may all work bravely hand in hand, helping instead of hindering work for one great cause & not for personal success & fame. - just got your dear telegram, for wh. a tender kiss. - Mme Viltchkovsky's operation went off alright.
My stupid temp. is now already 37.1, but I think that does not matter. - I wear your cross on my grey teagown & it looks too lovely - yr. dear brooch of 21 years ago I have also got on. - Sweet treasure I must end now.
God bless & guard you on yr. journey. You will no doubt receive this letter in Lvov. Give my love to Xenia, Olga & Sandro. I send you a wee photo I took of agooweeone on board last year. A fond blessing & thousands of very tenderest kisses, ever, Nicky sweet,
yr. own old
Tsarskoe Selo, April 9-th 1915
My own Sweetheart,
Such a sunny morning again. Slept badly, heart more enlarged. Yesterday at 6 temp. 37.3 1/2 at 11. 37.2. This morning 36.5; - such an infection generally acts upon a not strong heart, & as mine was again so tired, of course I feel it more. Botkin turned up to my surprise, to-morrow Sirotinin comes for the last time. - I send you a French letter from Alexei, & one from Anastasia. - I wore yr. lovely cross the evening in bed still. My thoughts are the whole time with you, & I keep wondering what you are doing & how getting along. What an interesting journey. Hope somebody will photograph. Had news fr. my flying stores train No. 5, that Brussilov inspected it, & was very contended with the help it gives - they bring out presents, medicaments, linnen, boots, & return with wounded. The bigger ones have the kitchen & Priest; - all this is thanks to little Mekk. It grew so dark & now there has been a good downpour & more to follow, so I wont go on the balkony & its windy besides - Ania still intends coming, tho' I strongly advised her not to - why get wet & have Juk soaked, (only so as to come to me) its selfish & foolish, she might as well be a day without seeing me, but she wants more, says an hour is too little already. But I want little at a time, as get so tired still. - Fond thanks for yr letter from Brody. How glad I am you have fine weather. Our Friend blesses your journey. - I keep thinking of you the whole time. It got fine this afternoon, but I was too tired to go out. Received Khlebnikov, my exlancer who has civil service in the Crimea because of his health, but whom I helped to get into the regiment as soon as the war began (he looks & feels flourishing) - told me about the lost ,platoon of the 6-th squadron. 10 men ran away & got back to the regiment after wandering about in the forests & dressed as peasants. Then Apraxin came, whom, I had not seen for four months. - Ania sat for an hour. Now she has our Friend & the girls, after walking & driving have gone to the big Palace; Baby is in the garden. I wear your ideal cross.
God's blessing be upon you, guard & guide you. Very fondest kisses fr. yr. very own
My love to the old man & to N. P. & give him news of my health. Just now 37.1 again.
No. 62. Tsarskoe Selo, April 10-th 1915
My very own Treasure,
I wonder when and where this letter will reach you. Such fond thanks for yesterday evening's telegram. Indeed your journey must be very interesting - & so emotioning seeing all those dear graves of our brave heroes. Wont you just have a lot to tell us upon your return. Difficult writing yr. diary, I am sure, when there are so many different impressions. How happy Olga dear will be to see you - Xenia wired upon yr. arrival so kindly. -
Wonder whether you took Shavelsky with you. -
Ania gave over what you telegraphed to our Friend, He blesses you & is so glad you are happy. - This morning the weather is going to be finer, I think, then can lie out. Heart still enlarged, temp. rose to 37.2 - now 36.5, & still so weak, they are going to give me iron to take. -
Gr. is rather disturbed about the "meat" stories, the merchants wont lessen the price tho' the goverment wished it, & there has been a sort of meatstrike one says. One of the ministers he thought, ought to send for a few of the chief merchants & explain it to them, that it is wrong at such a grave moment, during war to highten the prizes, & make them feel ashamed of themselves. -
Have read through the papers & found nothing of interest. - Marie is going to the cemetry to lay flowers on poor Grabovoy's grave, 40 days to-day! So the time flies by. - Mme Viltchkovsky is getting on nicely. I saw Aleinikov (& wife) 5 months he lay in the big palace - he longs to continue serving, only his arm aches still so (right to the top the right one is off) & he has to take mudbaths. Then Koblev who goes back to his regiment, & then Grunwald with messages fr. you, Sweetheart. I lay half an hour on the balkony, quite mild. - Now Ania is coming, so goodbye & God bless 'you. I cover yr. sweet face with tenderest kisses, Nicky love, & remain
Ever yr. very own
Tsarskoe Selo, April 11-th 1915
My very own Darling,
Your dear telegram yesterday made us all so happy. Thank God, that you have such beautiful impressions - that you could see the Caucas. corps & that summer weather blesses your journey. - In the papers I read Fred. short telegram fr. Lvov, telling about the Cathedral, peasants etc. dinner, and nomination of Bobr. into yr. suite - what great historical moments. Our Friend is delighted and blesses you. - Now I have read in the Novoie Vremia all about you, & feel so touched & proud for my Sweetheart. And your few words on the balkony - just the thing. God bless & unite in the fully deep, historical & religious sense of the word, these Slavonie Countries to their old Mother Russia. All comes in its right time & now we are strong enough to uphold them, before we should not have been able to - nevertheless we must in the "interior" become yet stronger & more united in every way, so as to govern stronger & with more authority. - Wont E.N.I. be glad! He sees his greatgrandson reconquering those provinces of the long bygone & the revenge for Austria's treachery towards him. And you have personally conquered thousands of hearts. I feel, by your sweet, gentle, humble being & shining, pure eyes each conquers with what God endows him - each in his way. God bless yr. journey on - I am sure it will revive the strength of our troops - if they need this. I am glad Xenia & Olga saw this great moment!- How nice you went to Olga's hospital - a recompense for her infatigable work! -
This moment got yr. wire fr. Perem. & plans for to-day & now yr. sweet letter fr. the 8-th, for wh. 1000 of tender thanks; such joy to get a letter from you, love them so! Here is Ella's telegram unciphered; I return it, in case you wish to mention anything about it, or find out from the railway officials, whether true. - Had masses of report to read through, & now must get. up & finish later on. -
I received an awfully touching telegram from Babys' Georgian regiment. Akhmisury arrived back & told them he had seen you, & gave over our messages - & thanking for my looking after their officers etc.
Mme Zizi came after luncheon with papers - then my Siberian Geleznoi to say goodbye. Then I lay on the balkony 3/4 of an hour, & the eldest sister (Liubusha) of the big Palace, sat with me. Ania came from 12-1 as usual. - My train No. 66 has just been to Brody to fetch wounded - lots of men, over 400, but only two officers. -
Goodbye Lovy mine - I do so wonder where you are going to see Ivanov and Alekseiev & can you get at them this time. - Goodbye & God bless and keep you. Very tenderest kisses fr. yr. very own old
The Children all kiss you, & with me send love to the old man & N.P.
Tsarkoie Selo, April 12-th 1915
I wonder where you are? Xenia wired that you had dined together before leaving. Must have a look at the papers. Till now I go to bed at 6 & dont get up any more, & am up from 12-6. - The Children have gone to Church- Baby's foot is not quite the thing, so he is carried & drives, but does not suffer - he played Colorito on my bed this morning before his walk. - The weather is very sunny, tho' at times dark clouds hide all - hope to lie out again. Take lots of iron & arsenic & heartdrops & feel a little stronger now at last. -
We saw dear little Madame Pourtzeladze & her adorable baby boy yesterday brave little soul! - She gets letters fr. him, but does not know whether he is severely wounded & how treated, that he dare not write - but thank God he is alive. -
2 hours I lay on the balkony, & Ania kept me company - Baby drove about in his motor, & then in a little carriage.
I received my Kniaievitch, who intends going back to the lancers - over the Headquarter - but poor man doubts he can continue commanding the regiment, as fears he cannot ride on account of his kidneys - if so, he will return & seek some other service, as finds it dishonest towards the regiment. Precious mine, quite spring, so lovely. -
I bless you & kiss you, without end from the full depth of my great love. Goodbye , without end from the full depth of my great love. Goodbye Sweetheart. Ever yr. very own old
About 16 lancers have escaped - 2 got on German officers horses & flew back - they had been well treated.
Many messages to the old man, the little Admiral, Grabbe & N. P. - The Children all kiss you tenderly. - Miss you sorely, precious Sunshine, our little home!-
Is it true Mdivani receives another nomination, & who is his successor? -
Tsarskoe Selo, April 13-th 1915
My very own Life,
Such a glorious, sunny morning! Yesterday I lay two hours out - shall lie out at 12 & I think after luncheon again. - The heart is not enlarged, the air & medicins are helping & I decidedly am feeling better & stronger, thank goodness. - To-morrow 6 weeks I worked last in the hospital. - The Commander of Baby's Georgian's sat with me for half an hour yesterday - such a nice man. Was before in the General staff, over the frontier guards in the Caucasus, singing highly the praises of his regiment & of poor Grabovoy - seems Mistchenko mentioned the young man 2 in his orders (he was to get the St. George's cross & sword, - the Commander presented him for both) - I got onto the sopha. for dinner & remained till 1.
Fancy only, there was a youngster in Olga Orlov's hospital Shvedov with the St. George's cross - there was something at the end louche about him, how cld. a Volunteer have an officer's cross, & to me he said he had never been a Volunteer quite a boy to look at - he left - one found german chiffres on his table - & now I hear he has been hung ! Too horrid - & he begged for our signed photos. I remember; - how could one have got hold of such a mere chap ! - Baby just brought one of those German arrows one drops fr.' aeroplans - how hideously sharp - Romanovsky brought it (is he a flier?) & asked for Baby's card - the aeroplan lies somewhere out here, Baby forgot fr. where it was brought. So now you are off to the South - did not get hold of your Generals ? To-day perhaps in Odessa already - how brown you will get - I whisper a wish of Kirylls, wh. he told N. P. who repeated it, en passant to Ania (because thought he could not tell you) that he hoped you would take him to Nikolaiev & Sebastopol - I only mention it like that, because I don't think you have any place for him.
Our dear sailors, how glad I am you will see them. -
Now you will find out how many plastuni battalions - & then I can send Images. -
Our Friend is glad you left for the South. He has been praying so hard all these nights, scarcely sleeping - was so anxious for you any rotten vicious jew might have made a scandal.
Just got yr. wire fr. Proskurovo that is nice that you will see the Zaamarsky frontier guards at Kamenetz-Podolsk. Really, this journey at last gives you more to see & brings you into contact with the troops.
I love to know you do and see unexpected things, not everything wh. is planned & marked out before - a la lettre - spontanious things (when possible) are more interesting. - What a lot you will have to write in your diary & only during stoppages. -
We only remained half an hour on the balkony, it got too windy & fresh. Received two officers after luncheon then Isa, after wh. Sonia over an hour, then Mme Zizi & at 41/2 Navruzov, as want so much to see him again. -
I hope the rest of your journey will go off' alright.
Goodbye & God bless & keep you, my Angel. I cover yr. dear face with kisses, & remain yr.
Ever very fondly loving old wife
Bow to yr. Gentlemen. On the 16-th is N. P.'s birthday. Ask IV. P. whether Nic. Iv. Tchagin who died, was brother of Iv. Iv. (General of Infantry) it says in Petrogr. I only know he had a brother in Moscow & one who died - an architect.
Tsarskoe Selo, April 14-th 1915
My own beloved One,
Fancy only, it is snowing slightly & a strong wind. Thanks so much for yr. dear telegram. That was a surprise you saw my Crimean reg. am so glad & shall eagerly await news about them & why they were there - what joy for them! - Poor Ania has got again flebitis in her right leg & strong pain, so one has to stop massage, & she must not walk but may be wheeled out, as the air is good for her - poor girl, she now really is good & takes all patiently & just as one was hoping to take off the plaster of Paris (gypsum).
Yesterday morning for the first time she walked alone on her crutches to the dining room without being held. Awful bad luck. -
Navruzov sat half an hour with me yesterday & was sweet; - to-day Pr. Gelovani will come, as I only saw him once en passant & it does one good seeing them - freshens one up.
Am feeling better & shall put on my stays for the first time. - Well, Ania came for 2 hours & now Pr. Gelovani comes to me, Tatiana arranged this. Very windy, but sunny. All my love & tenderest thoughts follow you. God bless & protect you, my Sunshine.
Fondest kisses fr. yr. very own old
Bow to all. -
I send you some lilies of the valley to stand on yr. writing table - there are glasses one always brought for my flowers; I have kissed the sweet flowers & you kiss them too. -
Tsarskoe Selo, April 15-th 1915
My own beloved Treasure,
A windy, cold day - there was frost in the night, the Ladoga ice is passing, so shall not be able to lie out again. Temp. 37.2 again yesterday evening, but that means nothing, am feeling decidedly stronger, so will go to Ania this afternoon & meet our Friend there, who wishes to see me. At 11 1/2 I have Vilichkovsky with a report wh. is sure to last an hour - then Schulenburg with his papers at 12 1/2; & at 2 Witte with his affairs, sent by Rauchfuss. -
Yesterday Gelovani sat 1/2 an hour with me, spoke much about the regiment. - You must have felt very tired at Odessa doing so much in such a short time And our dear sailors! & 2 hospitals, that is nice indeed & will have rejoiced all hearts. -
I wonder, what that woman's legion wh. is being formed in Kiev is? If only to be as in England, to carry out the wounded & help them like sanitaries, then it can be alright but I should personally not have allowed women to go out there "en masse" - the sister's dress is still a protection &
they hold themselves otherwise - but these will be what?
Unless in very severe hands, well watched they may do very different things. A few of them with sanitary detachements cld. be good, but as a band - no - that is not their place - let them nurse out there, from nurses, detachements. There is an English lady who does wonders in Belgium in her warkit & short skirts - rides & picks up wounded, flies about to get vehicles to transport them to the nearest hospital, binds up their wounds & once even read the prayers over the grave of a young English officer who died in a garret in a Belgium town taken by the Germans, & one dared not have a regular funeral. Our women are less well educated & have no discipline so I don't know how they will manage "en masse" - wonder who allows them to form themselves. -
I think you may get these lines before leaving Sebastopol - the dear black sea!
And the fruit trees all in blossom - a flying visit to Livadia & Jalta would be lovely, I am sure ! -
Ania's leg is not at all good, such red spots - fear this flebitis can last some time ! Her Mother too is again ill, & Alia & the Children. -
Well, that was a surprise yr. precious letter & the dear little flower, thanks ever so much. Too intcresting all your journey, everything you wrote - one sees it all before one. From Olga I also got a letter with her impressions how happy she was to see you!-
It is so cold! And the wind howls down the chimny - Baby drove in the morning & will now again. His motor has a stronger mashine & so goes very quickly - Mr. Gillard & Der. follow him in a big one. -
Precious One, I suppose you are at Nikolaiev now - interesting all you will see, & give the men energy to build on quickly & get our ships done... -
Goodbye, my own huzy love, God bless & protect you, I kiss ever so tenderly & with deepest devotion.
Ever yr. very own old
Messages to Fred.
Tsarskoe Selo, April 16-th 1915
I have just been eating up the newspapers with Freder. long telegrams about your journey. You have done & seen a lot, I am delighted - & been to hospitals too. Some of our wounded officers are now at Odessa & will surely have seen you there. But you must be very tired.
Pitty you cannot have one quiet day's rest in the South, to have quietly enjoyed the sunshine & flowers. Life once back here is so awfully tiring & fidgety for you always, my poor treasure. I want the weather to get again warm & nice for yr. return & Baby's foot.
He is very careful with it I think on purpose.
This morning he is out driving with Mr. Gibbs. -
I had hoped to go to our hospital to sit a bit there but the heart is again a little enlarged, so have to remain at home. -
Our Friend was not long at Anias yesterday, but very dear. Asked lots about you. To-day receive three officers returning to the war, yr. Kobilin too , & then Danini & two others, whom I sent to Evpatoria to choose a sanatorium. We have taken one for a year the money you gave me covers the expenses. There are mud, sea, sun, sandbaths there, a Zanderroom, electricity, watercures, garden & plage close by - 170 people, & in winter 75 - its splendid.
Duvan, who has built a theatre, streets etc. there, I am going to ask to be the Burser, Kniazheviteh thinks he may help materially then too. - Xenia has returned one says. -
How glad you will be to see your plastuni to-day.
Well, my treasure, I must say goodbye now. -
God bless & protect you - I kiss you over & over again with tenderness, & remain yr. ever fondly loving old
How is Fred. I wonder!
Bow to him & N. P.
Tsarskoe Selo, April 17-th 1915
My own sweetest One,
Bright, sunny but cold, lay an hour on the balkony & found it rather too fresh. Yesterday Paul came to tea. He told me he had just received a letter from Marie, telling him about your talk in the train concerning Dmitri... So he sent for the boy last night and was going to have a serious talk with him He too is greatly shocked at the way the boy goes on in town etc. -
In the evening at 8.20 there was this explosion - I send you Obolensky's paper. Now I have had telephoned to Sergei for news - one says 150 severely wounded how many killed one cannot say, as one collects the bits - when the remaining people are assembled together, then they will know who is missing. Some parts in town & streets heard absolutely nothing - here some felt it very strongly, so that they thought it had occured at Tsarskoe. Thank God its not the powdermagazine as one at first had said. -
I had a long, dear letter fr. Erni - I will show it you upon your return. He says that "if there is someone who understands him (you) & knows what he was going through, it is me". He kisses you tenderly. He longs for a way out of this dilema, that someone ought to begin to make a bridge for discussion.
So he had an idea of quite privately sending a man of confidence to Stockholm, who should meet a gentleman sent by you (privately) that they could help disperse many momentary difficulties. He had this idea, as in Germany there is no real hatred against Russia. So he sent a gentleman to be there on the 28 - (that is 2 days ago & I only heard to-day) & can only spare, him a week. So I at once wrote an answer (all through Daisy) & sent it the gentleman, telling him you are not yet back, so he better not wait - & that tho' one longs for peace, the time has not yet come. -
I wanted to get all done before you return, as I know it would be unpleasant for you.
W. knows of course absolutely nothing about this, - He says they stand as a firm wall in France, & that his friends tell him, in the North & Carpathians too. They think they have 500.000 of our prisoners. -
The whole letter is very dear & loving; - I was intensely grateful to get it, tho' of course the question of the gentleman waiting there & you away, was complicated; - & E. will be disappointed. -
My heart is again enlarged, so I don't leave the house. Lilly A is coming to me for half an hour. - I do hope you have warmer weather to-day, Sebastopol is not amiable both times. -
Xenia is coming to-morrow to luncheon.
Ania sat with me this morning for an hour. - 2 Girls are riding & 2 driving - Alexei out in his motor. - I wonder whether you return 21-St or 22-d.
Ressin has gone to town to see the place & bring me details, as I should like to help the poor sufferers. -
Now Lovebird, I must end, as I have to write for the English messenger & to sister Olga. -
God bless & protect you. I kiss you over & over again in tenderest love
Ever, Nicky dear, yr. old
Tsarskoe Selo, April 18th 1915
My own sweet precious One,
A grey, cold, damp morning - the barometer must have fallen, feel such a pressure on my chest. - Yesterday evening Hagentorn took off Ania's gypsum from round her stomach, so that she is enchanted, can sit straight, & back no longer aches. Then she managed to lift her left foot, for the first time since 3 months, wh. shows that the bone is growing together. The flebitis in the other leg is very strong - so massage cannot be done on either leg, wh. is a pitty. She lies on the sopha & looks less of an invalid; she comes to me, as I remain at home on account of my heart. -
This morning I receive Mekk - he will, entre autre, tell me about Lvov, where he saw you in Church. My little flying stores trains have hard & useful work in the Carpathans, & our mules carry the things in the mountains - hard fighting, ones heart aches, - & in the North too again. - There, the
kind sun is peeping out. Yr. little plant stands on the piano & I like looking at it reminds me of the Rosenau 21 years ago!!
Our Friend says if it gets more known that that catastrophy happened from an attempt to set fire, the hatred towards Germany will be great. -
(Hang those aeroplans in the Carpathans now too?) I am going to send money to the poorest families & Images to the wounded. -
Olga wrote you the details; & I suppose others do officially, so I wont any more.
My temp. rose to 37.3 in the evening & this morning 37; heart just now not enlarged. - Shall finish this in the afternoon, Xenia & Irina lunch with us, - & perhaps I may find something more interesting to tell you by then.
Well, now they have gone, Irina looked pretty, only much too thin. - It seems there was a fire in Ania's house, the little blind woman's candle fell down & things took fire, so the floor in the back room burned a little & two boxes with books, Ania got a nice fright - bad luck always. -
Now goodbye & God bless you - soon, soon I shall have you back, what joy!! 1000 fond kisses.
Ever yr. old
Tsarskoe Selo, April 19-th 1915
My own darling Huzy dear,
Such a gloriously sunny morning! Shall lie out on the balkony at last again. Yesterday Mme Janov sent us flowers from beloved Livadia - glycinias, golden raindrops, lilac iris wh. have opened this morning, lilac & red Italians anemonies wh. I used to paint & now want to again - Judas tree little branches, one pioni & tulips. To see them in ones vases makes me quite melancholy. Does it not seem strange, hatred & bloodshed & all the horrors of war - & there simply Paradise, sunshine & flowers and peace - such a mercy but such a contrast. Do hope you managed to get a nice drive beyond Baidary.
Well, Baby & I went at 11 1/2 to Church, & came just during the Credo so nice being in Church again, but missed you, my Angel, awfully - & was tired & felt my heart. Blind Anisia took holy Communion - she upset the lantern in Ania's house & set the room on fire. After luncheon I lay knitting for an hour on the balkony, but the sun had gone & it was cold. Ania sat with me from 1 1/2 - 3 1/4 - Such tender thanks for the divine lilacs - such perfume!
Thanks over & over again from us all - I gave Ania some too. -
The Children are giving medals in a hospital (with Drenteln) & then they & Baby go to Ania to meet the 2 cosacks & Marie's friend. - How dear, you named Baby chef of one of those splendid battalions, Vorontzov sent me a delighted telegram. Eagerly awaiting your return - lonely without you, my Sweetheart; & you will have such a lot to tell.-
Schwibzik is sleeping near me.
Now Goodbye, my very Own, God bless & protect you & bring you safely home to us.
Very fondest kisses fr. yr. own
Messages to everybody!
Tsarskoe Selo, April 20-th 1915
My own beloved Darling,
This is my last letter to you. For your precious & unexpected one & lovely flowers, tenderest thanks. One feels homesick for the beautiful Crimea - our earthly Paradise in spring ! - All you write is so interesting - what a lot you have done must be tired I am sure, dear precious One, Huzy mine!
Yes, my heart, I know you are lonely, and that makes me always so sad, that Sunbeam is not old enough to accompany you everywhere. The family is alright, but none of them are near to you, - or really understand you. - What a jubilation when you return. - Ania's Aunt returned full haste from Mitave, & the Governor with all the documents - a panic - the Germans coming! No troops of ours! German scouts.
I think near Libau - I feel sure they want to make a landing with their heaps of sailors (doing nothing) & other troops, to push down from there towards Varsovie from the back, or along the coast, to get the Germans onto their side - that has all along been in my head since autumn. - Our Friend finds them awfully slie - looks at all seriously, but says God will help. - My humble opinion, why does one not get some cosack regiments along the coast, or our cavalry a little bit up more towards Libau, to keep them fr. ruining everything & finding basis for settling down with their devilish aero plans. We dont want them ruining our towns, not to say killing innocent people. Baby enjoyed himself at Ania's yesterday. - To-day the young couple Voronov are coming to us to tea, they have come for a few days from Odessa. I receive 7 officers returning, amongst others the General, Commander of Baby's Georgians, then priest fr. the Standart to say goodbye before leaving & Benkendorf, & then Ania.
I went for 3/4 of an hour at last to the hospital. Gogoberidze suddenly appeared to our surprise, he was only a month in the regiment & then went to Batum as was quite ill - now he looks brown as a nut - he returns to the regiment in a few days. - It rained again, so I shall not lie out. - Sweetest one, I have got to see all those people now, so cannot write any more. The Children all and kiss you ever so tenderly and warmly, beloved One. -
God grant in two days I shall have you back again in my longing arms. - The Children go to an exhibition to-morrow and then take tea at Anitchkov.
God bless & keep you. Ever yr. very own tenderly loving old wife
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