Tsarskoe Selo, Aug. 22-nd 1915
My very own beloved One,
I cannot find words to express all I want to - my heart is far too full. I only long to hold you tight in ray arms & whisper words of intense love, courage, strength & endless blessings. More than hard to let you go go alone, so completely alone - but God is very near to you, more then ever. You have fought this great fight for your country & throne - alone & with bravery & decision. Never have they seen such firmness in you before & it cannot remain without good fruit.
Do not fear for what remains behind -- one must be severe & stop all at once. Lovy, I am here, dont laugh at silly old wify, but she has "trousers" on unseen, & I can get the old man to come & keep him up to be energetic - whenever I can be of the smallest use, tell me what to do - use me - at such a time God will give me the strength to help you - because our souls are fighting for the right against the evil. It is all much deeper than appears to the eye - we, who have been taught to look at all from another side, see what the struggle here really is & means - you show ing your mastery, proving yourself the Autocrat without wh. Russia cannot exist. Had you given in now in these different questions, they would have dragged out yet more of you. Being firm is the only saving - I know what it costs you, & have & do suffer hideously for you, forgive me I beseech you, my Angel, for having left you no peace & worried you so much - but I too well know yr. marvelously gentle character - & you had to shake it off this time, had to win your fight alone against all. It will be a glorious page in yr. reign & Russian history the story of these weeks & days - & God, who is just & near you - will save your country & throne through your firmness.
A harder battle has rarely been faught, than yours & it will be crowned with success, only believe this.
Yr. faith has been tried - your trust - & you remained firm as a rock, for that you will be blessed. God anointed you at your coronation, he placed you were you stand & you have done your duty, be sure, quite sure of this & He forsaketh not His anointed. Our Friend's prayers arise night & day for you to Heaven & God will hear them.
Those who fear & cannot understand your actions, will be brought by events to realise your great wisdom. It is the beginning of the glory of yr. reign, He said so & I absolutely believe it. Your Sun is rising - & to-day it shines so brightly. And so will you charm all those great blunderers, cowards, lead astray, noisy, blind, narrowminded & (dishonest false) beings, this morning.
And your Sunbeam will appear to help you, your very own Child - won't that touch those hearts & make them realise what you are doing, & what they dared to wish to do, to shake your throne, to frighten you with internal black forebodings - only a bit of success out there & they will change. They will (?) disperse home into clean air & their minds will be purified & they carry the picture of you & yr. Son in their hearts with them. -
I do hope Goremykin will agree to yr. choice of Khvostov - you need an energetic minister of the interior - should he be the wrong man, he can later be changed - no harm; in that, at such times - but if energetic he may help splendidly &. then the old man does not matter.
If you take him, then only wire to me "tail (Khvostov) alright" & I shall understand. Let no talks worry you am glad Dmitri wont be there now - snap up Voyeikov if he is stupid am sure he is afraid meeting people there who may think he was against Nikolasha & Orlov & to smoothe things, he begs you for Nikolasha - that would be the greatest fault & undo all you have so courageously done & the great internal fight would have been for nothing. Too kind, don't be, I mean not specially, as otherwise it would be dishonest, as still there have been things you were discontented with him about. Remind others about Misha, the Emperor's brother & then there is war there too. -
All is for the good, as our Friend says, the worst is over. - Now you speak to the Minister of war & he will take energetic measures, as soon as needed - but Khvostov, will see to that too if you name him. -- When you leave, shall wire to Friend to-night through Ania - & He will particularly think of you. Only get Nikolasha's nomination quicker done - no dawdling, its bad for the cause & for Alexeiev too - & a settled thing quieten minds, even if against their wish, sooner than that waiting & uncertainty & trying to influence you - it tires out ones heart.
I feel completely done up & only keep myself going with force - they shall not think that I am downhearted or frightened - but confident & calm. -
Joy we went to those holy places to-gether - for sure yr. dear Father quite particularly prays for you.
Give me some news as soon as you can - now am afraid for the moment N. P. wiring to Ania until am sure nobody watches again.
Tell me the impression, if you can. Be firm to the end, let me be sure of that otherwise shall get quite ill from anxiety.
Bitter pain not to be with you - know what you feel, & the meeting with N. wont be agreeable - you d i d trust him & now you know, what months ago our Friend said, that he was acting wrongly towards you & your country & wife - its not the people who would do harm to your people, but Nikolasha & set Gutchkov, Rodzianko, Samarin etc. -
Lovy, if you hear I am not so well, don't be anxious, I have suffered so terribly, & phisically overtired myself these 2 days, & morally worried (& worry still till all is done at the Headquarters & Nikolasha gone) only then shall I feel calm - near you all is well - when out of sight others at once profit - you see they are affraid of me & so come to you when alone - they know I have a will of my own when I feel I am in the right - & you are now - We know it, so you make them tremble before your courage & will. God is with you & our Friend for you- all is well - & later all will thank you for having saved your country. Don't doubt - believe, & all will be well & the army is everything - a few strikes, nothing, in comparison, as can & shall be suppressed. The left are furious because all slips through their hands & their cards are clear to us & the game they wished to use Nikolasha for - even Shvedov knows it fr. there.
Now goodnight lovy, go straight to bed without tea with the rest & their long faces. Sleep long & well, you need rest after this strain & your heart needs calm hours, - God Almighty bless your undertaking, His holy Angels guard & guide you & bless the work of your hands. - Please give this little Image of St. John the Warrior to Alexeiev with my blessing & fervent wishes. You have my Image I blessed you with last year - I give no other as that carries my blessing & you have Gregory's St. Nicolas to guard & guide you. I always place a candle before St. Nicolas at Znamenle for you - & shall do, so to-morrow at 3 o'clock & before the Virgin. You will feel my soul near you.
I clasp you tenderly to my heart, kiss and caress you without end - want to show you all the intense love I have for you, warm, cheer, console strengthen you, & make you s u r e o f y o u r s e l f. Sleep well my Sunshine, Russia's Saviour. Remember last night, how tenderly we clung to-gether. I shall yearn for yr. caresses - I never can have enough of them. And I still have the children, & you are all alone. Another time I must give you Baby for a bit to cheer you up. -
I kiss you without end & bless you. Holy Angels guard your slumber - I am near & with you for ever & ever & none shall seperate us. -
Yr. very own wife
Tsarskoe Selo, Aug. 23-rd 1915
All my thoughts & prayers surround you in tenderest love. Such calm filled my soul (tho' terribly sad) when I saw you leave in peace and serene. Your face had such a lovely expression, like when our Friend left. God verily will bless you and your undertakings after this moral victory. Wonder how you slept - I went straight to bed, deadbeat & very lonely.
Dear Girlies proposed to sleep by turn in the room next door, as I am all alone on this floor - but I begged them not to, am quite accustomed to it & don't mind. I feel you near me, bless & kiss your cushion. Slept midling. Such a sunny morning - the three girls went at 9 to Church, as Olga & Tatiana wish to work in the hospital till 12 1/2. - Wonder how the spirits around you are - your peace must spread itself upon them. I had a talk with N. P. & begged him not to heed to Voyeikov's varying moods. -The whole time those odious trains make a noise today, the wind comes from that, side, but to me it seems that that big new chimney (where the electric mashenes are) makes the same noise, as it continues since a long time with intervals. - The Churchbells are ringing, I love the sound, with the windows open; I shall go at 11, as till now, tho' the heart & chest ache, it is not enlarged & I take many drops. The body feels very beaten & achy. Have got Botkin to allow Anastasia to sit in the sun on the balkony, where there are 20 degrees, it can only do the child good. It is 10 & Baby has not yet turned up, took a good sleep no doubt. Such peace the soul after those anxious days - & may, YOU continue feeling the same. If you have the occasion, give N. P. our love & give him news as I don't let A. wire now for a time, after one was so nasty, & she gave him news of my health always. - I hope old Fred. is not too gaga & wont beg for fieldmarshal etc., wh. can only be given after the war, if at all. - Remember to comb your hair before all difficult talks & decisions, the little comb will bring its help. Dont you feel calm now that you have become "sure of yourself" -- its not pride or conceit - but sent by God & it will help you in the future & give strength to the others to fulfil, your orders. Have let the old man know, that I want to see him today, & he is to choose the hours. -
Well, Deary, I just had the old man for half an hour. He was so glad to get your message, that you left quiet & calmly & Frederick's letter (I did not know he had written). But shocked & horrified with the ministers' letter, written by Samaria he says. Finds no words for their behaviour & says how awfully difficult it is for him to preside, knowing they all go against him & his ideas, but he wld. never think of asking to leave, as he knows you would tell him if it were yr. wish. He has to see them to-morrow & will mention what he thinks about this letter, wh. is so false & untrue in saying "all Russia" & so forth - I begged him to be as energetic as possible. He will also talk before with the minister of war, to know what you told him. About Kvostov he says better not, it is he who spoke in the Duma against the government & Germans (is a nephew of the minister of justice), finds him trop leger, probably not quite sure person in some respects. He will think over names and send or bring me a list for you of people he thinks might do. Finds certainly Stcherbatov cannot remain, already that he took no hold on the press is a sign what an incapable person he is for that place. - He says, he would not be astonished, if Stcherbatov & Saxonov asked to be released from their places, wh. they have no right to - Sazonoy goes about crying (the fool) & I said I was convinced, that our allies will immensely appreciate yr. action, with wh. he agreed too. -
I told him to look at all as a miasm of St. Petersburg & Moscou & that all need a good airing to see all with fresh eyes & hear no gossip fr. morn to night. He says, the Duma cannot be dispersed before the end of the week as they have not finished their work - he & others especially fear the left may outpass the Duma - I begged him not to worry about it, that I am convinced its not so serious & more talking than anything else & that they wanted to frighten you & now that you have shown a strong will of your own, they will shut up. It seems Sazonov called them all together yesterday fools. I told him that the ministers were all des poltrons & he agreed thinks Polivanov will work well. Poor man, it hurt him reading all the heresies of those, who signed against him & I was so pained for him. He so rightly says, each must honestly tell you his opinion, but when you have said yr. wish, all must fulfill it & forget their own desires, they don't agree, neither did poor Serge! - -
I tried to cheer him up, & a wee bit I think I did, as I showed him how little serious, au fond, all this empty noise is. Now the Germans & Austrians have to occupy minds & all & nothing else - & a good minister of the interior will keep order. - He says, in town good mood & quiet after yr. speech & reception - & so it will be, I told him what our Friend said. - He begged me to see Krupensky to hear, what he has to say about the Duma, as he knows everybody - do you agree, then I certainly will, & without any noise. Only wire "agree". - I told him Ivanov also begged you to come, through me. -
Finds the more you show yr. energy, the better, to wh. I agreed, & he also found the idea good, that you should send your eyes to the fabrics, even if the suite don't understand much, but to show they come from you is good -- not only the Duma who looks after all, - I went with Baby to Church & prayed so fervently for you. The Priest spoke beautifully & I only regretted the ministers were not there to hear it & the men listened with deepest interest. What this 3 days lent means - & how all must cling & work together around you & so on, beautiful & so true & all ought to have heard it. Anastasia remained out till 4 - & I writing on the balkony. Baby returned fr. Peterhof & has gone to Ania, where Olga, Tatiana & Maria are. - Here is a letter from old Damansky, he left it at Ania's when she was out - he came with his old sister half paralised & scarcely able to speak - am so pleased you gave that honest man this happiness, it will console him in his sorrow.
I copy out 2 telegrams from our Friend. If you have an occasion, show them to N. P. - one must keep him up more about our Friend, as in town he hears too much against him, & begins to heed less to His telegrams. Goremykin asked whether you would be back this week (to disperse the Duma then) I said you could not possibly yet tell.
The Children & I went to Znamenie at 3 1/4 & I placed a very big candle, wh. will burn very long & carry my prayers to God's throne for you & before the Virgin & St. Nicolas. - Now, my love, I must end. - God bless & protect you & help you & all you undertake. Kisses without end on alldear places, for ever yr. very own trusting proud
Only a word en passant, Alia's husband returned & each time speaks against Brussilov as does also Keller - you enquire other opinions about him still. - The Headquarters has given the order, that all officers with German names serving in the staffs are to be sent out to the army, so Alia's husband too, tho' Pistolkors is a Swedish name & more devoted servant you scarcely have. According to me, it is again wrongly done - gently each general ought to have been told to hint to those to go back to their regiments, that they want others & these are to have their turn to fight. All is done so clumsily. I shall write to you always all I hear, (if think right) as may be of use to you to know now & to prevent injustices - can imagine what Kussov will write, so as to help the good cause. Now I must lie down, as very tired -- am feeling better & sirits up & full of trust, courage & hope -- & pride in my Sweetheart. Good bless, guard & guide you.
Hope Voyeikov did not tell you the rot he told A. he wld. beg you to make Nikolasha give his word of honour not to stop at Moscou - coward Voyeikov, & fool, as tho' you were jealous or frightened assure you I long to show my immortal trousers to those poltrons.
If Paul should ask to see me, can I tell him that you wish to take him next time. It will touch him & change his thoughts into the right current; lie is sure to come - wire about Krupensky agree or don't agree I shall understand - tell Paul, or don't tell Paul.
Smell the letter.
Tsarskoe Selo, Aug. 24-th 1915
My own beloved One,
Thank God all is done & that the meeting went off so well - such a relief. Bless you my Angel & yor brave undertaking & crown it with success & victory, interior & exterior. So emotioning telegram No. 01 Imper-H. I have kept the envelope too as remembrance of that memorable day; Babykins is so happy, & interested in all, Ania too at once crossed herself & I directly called Nini to the telephone to quieten her, that all went off well, she had her Mother & Emma with her, & I knew it would soothe them.
The evening was so lovely, 13 degr. that I drove 20 m. with the three big girls in a half open motor. This morning it is very damp, grey & drizzling. - A. said Nini told her, that fat 0,. took it very decently, thats all I know about him, that Emma cried as she was fond of him, & Nini feared it was an intrigue of her husbands', but A. quietened her. -
Whilst Mitia Den is with you, he might also do duty, when there is no walking about to be done. Oh how I should love to see how you do all, altogether I should like a concealing-fairy-cap to peep into many a house & see the faces!!! - Baby enjoyed himself very much in the "little house" with Irina Tolstoy & Rita Hitrovo, they played games together. -
I went with Marie to the Cath. S. to mass, so nice, & from there at 12 to our hospital to sit with our wounded. Then we lunched upstairs in the corner room & remained there till 6.
Baby dear's left arm hurts & is very swollen, hurt fr. time to time in the night & today - the old thing, but he has not had it for very long, thank God. Mr. Gillard read aloud & then showed us the magic lantern. I received 7 wounded; & Ordin. A. was at Peterhof a few hours. Out such a drizzle. I see nothing had appeared yet in the papers, so suppose you intend telling it be known to-morrow when N, leaves. - I wonder.
Did you appreciate Volodia's success in the black sea? I got a charming letter fr. Nicolai about yr. having taken over the command & shall send it you to-morrow - this evening I must answer it.
Ania sends her love & kisses yr. hand & is always thinking of you. -
We all send our love to N. P.
God bless & protect you my Treasure - miss you very, very much, as you know cannot be otherwise; press you tenderly to my heart & cover you with caresses & kisses. I bless you & pray for God's help.
Ever yr. old
Ella's prayers are with you - she is going for these last days to Optin convent.
This is just about another injustice Taube, Pss Gedroitz & our young Dr. back fr. the war were telling me.
It has just come out, that henceforth the Drs. are only to get 3 military rewards, wh. is unfair, as they expose themselves continually to danger - & till now masses received rewards. Taube found quite wrong, people fr. the ordnance who sit behind in the rear should receive the same, as those under fire. The Drs. & sanitaries do marvels, are constantly killed - whilst the soldiers have to lie flat, these walk upright carrying out the wounded. -
My little Dr. Matushkin of the 21 S. Regiment has again been commanding a company. - One cannot recompense those enough, that work under fire. - One of your young curassiers was wounded by an officer, a quite young boy something like Minkwitz, Hessian reserve reg., such pain to hear that. - Am sure shall hear much now, hoping that I will repeat all to you. -
Longing for news from you & the war. God help you. -
This is gossip.
Aug. 24 1915. Only one word, one says, that on Wednesday in the Duma all parties are going to address themselves to you to ask you to change the old Man. I hope still, that when at last the change is made officially known things may get right, if not, I fear the old man cannot continue working when all are against him. He will never dare ask to leave, he said, but, alas, I don't know how things will work. To-day he sees all the ministers & intends speaking firmer to them, it can finish him off poor dear, honest Soul. -
And whom to take at such a moment firm enough? Minister of w a r, so as to punish them for (don't at all like the idea) a short time, as he understands nothing of interior questions, but will look like dictator ship. How is Kharitonov?
I don't know. But better to wait still. They of course aim at Rodz., wh. wId. be the ruin & spoil all you have done & never to be trusted - but Gutchkov is behind Poliv. & you have no minister of the Interior yet. - Forgive bothering you, but its only a rumour, wiser to know. -
Tsarskoe Selo, Aug. 25-th 1915
My own Sweetheart,
Thanks for your dear telegram, Lovy. I am glad the country near Mohilev is pretty Glebov always said it was very picturesque - but that was natural, as he was born there. But still I suppose you will choose a nearer place, so as that you can quicker & easier move about. When do my letters reach you? I give them out at 8 & they leave town at 11 at night. - Am anxiously awaiting when the change will be made public. It is pouring again & quite dark. - Baby's night was not famous, slept little, but pain not too strong. Olga & Tatiana sat with him fr. 11 l/2 - 12 1/2 & they kept him cheery. - In the papers, there was an article as tho' people, 2 Men & a woman had been cought near Varsovie, who were going to make an attempt upon Nikolasha's life - people say Suvorin invented it to be more interesting (the censor told A. those were "canards"). A month ago all the redacteurs from St. Pbg. were at the H.-Q., & Janushkevitch gave them his instructions, this the military censor, under Frolov told A. - Samaria seems to be continuing to speak against me, well all the better, he too will fall into the pit he is digging for me. Those things dont touch me one atom & leave me personally cold, as my conscience is clear & Russia does not share his opinions - but I am angry, because it indirectly touches you. We shall hunt for a successor.
How do you find work with Alexeiev? Pleasant & quick I am sure. Have no particular news; only Mekk let me know that my central stores (Lvov, Kovno) fr. Proskurov will probably have to move in 5 weeks to Poltava - I cannot grasp why, & hope it will not be necessary. Marie's ladies fr. Jitomir ask if one has to evacuate that town, where her hospital is to move to - all this is a bit early to decide, I think. - How very sad Molostvov's death is, I hear you have made Velepolsky your a.d.c. I suppose Voyeikov begged for him - he is not a very sympathetic man & such a "saloon" fellow. I suppose his health obliges him to leave the regiment & therefore you take him - but the Suite ought not to be a place like the honor. curator, where one pokes people into it. I alas, begged for my Maslov, but he had commanded the reg. for several months at the war already. Vel. is Olga O's sweetheart (a great secret she had to make a fausse couche fr. him a few years ago) he was not nice to her after - not a famous type, but Voielkov's friend, so suppose good officer. -
The enclosed picture is for N. P. -
Is not this ugly, again somebody wishing to be nasty to N. P., so you better tell Fred. to have printed (privately not fr. his name) that there wont be a lieutenant as you have now the big chancellry & Dr. & Kira remain on; it comes I am sure fr. the same source as the story of the telegr. then at the H.-Q. I fastened so, for you to show Voieikov as easy to slip out -- one need only let the military censor Vissarionov know what to write, as be is Frolov's chief censor & a good man; - its Suvorin's doing, last night & this morning. -- So anxious no telegram yet, cannot imagine why the change has not been officially anounced, it would have cleared & uplifted the minds & quicker have changed the current of thoughts in the Duma. I thought to-day was already the longest to wait as N. leaves - now yr. yesterday's wire was fr. H.Q., on Sunday evening Imp. H.-Q., it sounded so nice & promising. These are fasting days approaching fr. tomorrow on, so the news ought to have come before & the Te Deum, its a mistake all falling to-gether, was necessary beforehand, forgive my saying this - who again begged you put off the official anouncement, did wrong - no harm N. being there, as it will be known you were working already with Alexeiev. It was a bad council - how against it one party is, one sees it by this. The quicker officially known, the calmer all spirits, all get nervous awaiting the news wh. never comes - its never good such a situation & false - & only cowards can have proposed it to - you, as Voyeikov & Fred. they think of N. before you - its wrong being kept secret, none think of the troops who are yearning for the good news - I see my black trousers are needed at the H.Q., too bad, idiots - & such perfection the jubilation & then fasting to pray for your success - & Tuesday passes & nothing; out of despair I wired this morning early, but got no answer & its already 7 o'clock. - Marie, A. & I went to Cath. C. again & then to the hospital, where I talked with the wounded. We lunched upstairs, & will dine there too. The rain & darkness make one quite ramolie. Baby has much less pain & slept in the morning.
Helene & Vsevolod came to tea & then I received my lancer Toll with more photos. He says Kniazhevitch entreats to receive our brigade instead of Schwedov. Then I sent for the Commandant Ossipov to speak about the cemetry & Church I build for the dead of this war in our hospitals, to clear up that question. -
Mine Lopukhin, wife of the Vologda gov. wrote to me, because her husbands heart is so much worse again. Botk. & Sirotinin find too that his health cannot stand the strain of work he has. If you made him Senator, he could serve there & it would be a rest for a time, & perhaps later cld. get more to do if heart improves. He has served 25 years. It would be good if you could have this done.
My Sunshine, I miss so very much, but am glad you are away.
You can let yr. ministers come by turn with their report - it will freshen them up too. I hope you sleep well. - Don't forget to wire to Georgie etc. when at last all is official. Goodbye my treasure, I bless & kiss you without end, every precious, dearly beloved place.
Ever, Nicky mine, yr. very own old
The stories about Varnava, a monk fr. there came to let me know, are untrue. Samarin wants to get rid of him. -
Orlovsky is the name our Friend wId. like as gov., he is the president of the Etchequer chamber at Perm. You remember he gave you a book he. wrote about Tcherdyn where a Romanov is buried & one considers him a saint.
Tsarskoe Selo, Aug. 26-th 1915
My very own Sweetheart,
I am writing in the corner room upstairs, Mr. Gillard is reading aloud to Alexei. Olga & Tatiana, are in town this afternoon. Oh Lovy, it was beautiful - to read the news in the papers this morning & my heart rejoyced more then I can say. Marie & I went to mass in the upper church, Anastasia came to the Te Deum. The priest spoke beautifully, I wish a good big crowd a town had heard him, it would have done them no end of good, as he touched the inner currents so well. With heart & soul I prayed for you treasure. It lasted fr. 101/2-121/2. Then we went to Ania to meet dear big Lill returning from church. She had been hunting for her mother whose husband has been killed & she was looking for his body. She could no more get to Brest, the Germans were at 18 fr. where she was. Fancy, Mistchenko asked her to lunch - she amongst 50 officers. She spent the night at Anias & leaves again to join her Boy; she has no news from her husband. - We lunched, took tea & shall dine here. I went for a short turn in a half opened motor with Ania & Marie to get a little air - quite like September. - Kostia comes at 6 & then I go to church - a consolation to be in church & pray with all together, for my huzy. - And Ivanov's good news was indeed a blessing for the beginning of your great work. God help you, Sweetheart. All seems small now, such joy reigns in my soul. - I have had no news from the old man since Sunday. - Samarin goes on speaking against me - hope to get you a list of names & trust can find a suitable successor before he can do any more harm. - How are the foreigners? I see Buchanan to-morrow, as he brings me again over 100,000 p. from England.
I got a letter from M-me Baharacht, who begs her husband should not be sent away till after the end of the war. He is of limit of age, but ,he does a lot at Bern for the Russians & tries his best perhaps you will remember when his name may be mentioned by Sazonov. The gramophon is playing in the bedroom for Marie & Anastasia. - Baby slept on the whole(?) ours - with interruptions -- is cheery & suffers little.I told Fred.: it was unnecessary to arrange anything for the wounded at present at Livadia, as there are still very many empty places at Jalta - & now fr. all the sides fr. the Crimea one tells me all is being arranged. - Do ask Fred: why? as I do not find it as yet necessary; perhaps later - soon my sanatorium, the military one, & the Livadia hosp. will be ready - enough for the present.
Tsarskoe Selo, Aug. 27-th 1915
My very own beloved One,
I wonder wheter you get my letters every day - pitty so far away & all the trains passing now stop the movement. - Again only 8 degrees, but the sun seems to wish to appear. Do you get a walk daily, or are you too much occupied? Baby slept very well, woke up only twice for a moment, & the arm aches much less I am happy to say; no bruise is visible, only swollen, so I think he might be dressed to-day. When he is not well I see much more of him, wh. is a treat (if he does not suffer, as that is worse than anything). 0lga & Tatiana returned after 7 from town, so I went with Marie to the lower church 6 1/2-8. This morning I go with the two little ones upstairs at 10 1/2, as the others have Church before 9 below. - My fasting consists now of not smoking, as I fast since the beginning of the war, & I love being in Church. I do want to go to Holy Communion & the Priest agrees, never finds it too early to go again & it gives strength - shall see. Those soldiers that care will also go. Saturday is the anniversary of our stone! - Css. Grabbe told Ania yesterday, that Orlov & wife were raging in town, at being sent away, turned out - wh. shocked others - he told her too that N. P. was going to replace him (I was sure he had had it put into the papers) an ugly trick, after his wife having begged N. P. to come & talked with him - such are people. Many are glad, who knew his dirty money affairs and the way he allowed himself to speak about me. - Will you find time to scrawl a line once ? We get no news, as I told N. P. better not to wire nor write for the present, after that ugly story at the H.Q.
Wonder what news. You will let them send me telegr. again, wont you, Deary. Baby dear is up & half dressed, lunched at table with us & had the little boys to play with. He would not go out, said he did not feel strong enough, but would to-morrow - he did not write yet, because he could not hold the paper with his left hand. We dine up there again - its cosy & not so lonely as down here without you. Well , this morning I went with the two youngest at 10 1/2 to mass & Te Deum with lovely prayers for you to the Virgin & St. Serafim - from there we went to our hospital, all were off to the Te Deum, in the little grotto church there so we went again - & now at 6 1/2 to evening service. I hope very much to go to holy Communion on Saturday, I think many soldiers go too, so Sweetheart please forgive yr. little wify if in any way I grieved or hurt you, & for having bored you so much these trying weeks. I shall wire if sure I go, & you pray for me then, as I for you - its for you somehow this fasting, church, daily Te Deum, & so Holy Communion will be a special blessing & I shall feel you one with me, my dearly beloved Angel, very, very own Huzy. - Here I enclose., a pretty telegr. fr. Volodia I want you to read. - Paul came to tea, very quiet & nice. About himself he spoke, & I said what we had spoken about, that you hoped taking him or sending him about. He wants in no way to be pushy or forward, but l on g s to serve you, wont bother you with a letter, asks me to give all this over to you. Or if you wld, send him to some armycorps under a good general - ready for anything & full of good intentions. Wont you think it over & speak with Alexeiev & then let me know please. - We spoke about Dmitri, d o n t r e p e a t it to him -it worries him awfully & he is so displeased, that he stuck for ever in the H.-Q., finds he ought absolutely not to stay there, as its very bad for him, spoils him & he thinks himself then a very necessary personage. Paul was greatly discontented that he came now & sorry you did not shut him up quicker, instead of allowing him to try and mix up in things about wh. he understands nothing. - Best if he returned into the regiment wh. uniform he has the honour to wear & in wh. he serves. in speaking about the G. a Cheval, Paul said that he found a new commander ought to be named, this ones wound does not heal, he has received everything, done all he could & the regiment cannot get along with only youngsters & no real Commander - as he says any good one fr. the war, no matter who he is, only that he should be good, so you will perhaps also talk this over (not with Dmitri) with Alexeiev. Buchanan brought me over 100,000 p. again, he wishes you also every success! Cannot bear town any more. Says what difficulty to get wood, & he wants to get his provisions now already & is waiting since 2 months & now hears it wont come. One ought to get a good stock beforehand, as with these masses of refugees who will be hungry & freezing. Oh, what misery they go through, masses die on the way & get lost & one picks up stray children everywhere.
Now must be off. I bless & kiss you a 1000 times very, very tenderly, with yearning love. Ever yr. own old
Wont the Duma be shut at last -- why need you be here for that? How the fools speak against the military censors, shows how necessary.
All our love to N. P.
Tsarskoe Selo, Aug, 28-th 1915
My beloved Nicky dear,
How can I thank you enough for your very precious letter wh. came as a most welcome surprise. I have reread it already several times & kissed the dear handwriting. You wrote the 25-th & I got it 27-th before dinner. -
All interested us immensely, the children & A. eagerly listened to some parts I read aloud - & to feel that you are at peace fills our hearts with joyful gratitude. God sent you the recompense of your great undertaking - yes, a new responsability, but one particularly dear to yr. heart, as you love all, that is military & understand it. And having shown such firmness must bring blessings & success. Those that were so frightened at this change & all that nonsence, see how calmy & naturally all took place, & have grown quieter.
I shall see the old man & hear what he has to tell.
The P. Municipal Council needs smacking, what right have they to imitate Moscou on? Gulchkov again at the bottom of this & the telegr. you got - would they but mind their own business, look after their wounded, fugitives, fuel, food & so forth - they need a sharp answer, to mind their own business & look after the sufferers of the war - nobody needs their opinion, cant they see to their canalisation first. I shall tell that the old man - I have no patience with these meddlesome chatterboxes. Oh Sweetheart, I am s o touched hed you, want my help, I am always ready to do anything for you, only never liked mixing up without being asked - only here I felt too much was at stake. -
Such glorious sunshine & 18 in the sun & cool breeze - curious weather this summer.
Certainly, its wiser you have settled down in the Governor's house if its damp for everybody in the woods - & here you have the staff close by, but still a bore being in town for you. Wont you come nearer as V. proposed, then you can be up & done here if necessary & get yr. ministers to come - this is yet further than Baranovitchi is it not? & there you could reach Pskov & sooner get at the troops. - We all go to Church again, the big ones early, we at 10 l/2 & then to the hospital if the priest wont speak again, he held a sermon yesterday evening & again a good one. Then at 2 we go to the christening of Underlieuten. Covb's child, I christened his first child last autumn (he was our wounded & then served in Marie's train) so Marie & Jakovlev ( ex lancer, com. of her train) christen the boy in the lower Hospital church.
Georgi met the train & gave the sisters medals - I am sure Schulenburg will be in despair, as they were also under fire last year. -
Then we shall drive & peep into the little house, as our Friend's wife will be there with the girls whom she has brought for their lessons. Then Schulenburg at 5 3/4 Church - 7 3/4 Goremyk. before he has a sitting.
We have got 3 of Tatiana's lancers in our hospital & a fourth lies in the big palace there are 25 vacant places there, happily again. -
I enclose a letter of C. Kellers you may like to read, as it shows his way of looking at things, sound & simple as the most who are not in St. B. & Moscou. He did not know of the change at the H. Q. then. To-day he returns to the army - I fear too early - but certainly he is needed there. - Rumours say the Novik had a battle & successful, but I do not know what is the truth about it. -
I hope I don't make you wild with my cuttings - is this naval news true or not? I cut it out. - We had a lovely drive, divine weather & ones souls singing, surely it means good news. - In the village of the Pavlovsk farm we stopped at a shop & bought two big flasks with strawberry-jam & redberries then met a man with mushrooms & we bought them for Ania - we drove along the border of Pavlovsk park - such weather is a real treat, & we are having tea on the balkony - & miss you, my very own Angel, to make it perfect. - Gr.'s wife sends you her love & ask Archangel Michael to be with you - says he had no peace & worried fearfully till you left. He finds it would be good the people should be let out of prisons & sent to the war, there are a catagory, I am sure, of harmless ones sitting, whose moral saving it would be to go; I can hint it to the old man to think over - he comes at 1/4 to 8 so I must send my letter off before. - His governor has quite changed towards him (has returned you), he says will have our Friend stopped as soon as he. leaves. You see, that others have given him this order - more than wrong & shameful,
There is confession in common so the priest asked us to come to it in the upper Church, as lots of soldiers are going & to-morrow morning too with all upstairs. All the Children & Baby will come too - oh, how I wish you could have been there too - but I know you will be in hearts & thoughts. Once more forgive me, my Sunshine. God bless & protect you & keep you fr. all harm & help you in everything. To-morrow the day of the stone I I kiss you without end with deepest love & devotion. Ever yr. very own
Baby hopes to write to-morrow, he is thin & pale, been out all day slept till 10.5 this morning, very cheery & happy to go with us to holy Communion. Such a nice photo you bathing. A few words for you fr. A. & from me for N. P.
Tsarskoe Selo, August 28-th 1915
I just saw the old man, he must see you, so will leave to-morrow. He has thought about a minister of the Interior, he finds no one except perhaps Neidhardt & I think he would not be bad (Papa Taneiev mentioned him too) - of Tatiana's committee, he is a splendid worker, has shown it now, most clear headed energetic - that he is snob, cant he helped, his "grandness" maybe effective towards the Duma: - then you know him well, can speak as you like with him, you need not se gener with him - hope he is only not in the Dzhunk. - Drent. set. I think he wld. hold the other ministers in hand & thus help the old man. He finds it almost impossible to work with the ministers who wont agree with him, but also finds like us, that now he ought not to be sent away because they wish it _ & once one gives in they will become worse - if you wish, then of your own accord a little later. You are Autocrat. & they d are not forget it. He says alright shutting Duma, but Sunday holiday, so better Tuesday, he sees you before. Fiends ministers, worse than Duma. Infections about censure - one allows rot to be printed, also says "canards" about the attempts against Nikolasha. Finds Schtcherbatov is impossible to keep, better quick to change him. I think Neidhardt would be possible to trust - his rather german name I dont think would matter, as one praises him everywhere about Tatianas committee. Cons. de I'Emp. can finish the question about refugees. Will do dear old Goremyk. good to see you -, he is such a dear. just back fr. confession in Common - most emotioning, touching & all prayed so, so hard for you -Must quickly sent this off. Blessings kisses without end - pray incessantly for you - such a joy in one's soul all these days - one feels God near you my Sweetheart. Ever Y. very own
Tsarskoe Selo, August 29-th 1915
My own beloved One,
One just now brought me your sweet letter of the 25-th. I thank you for it with all my heart, sweetest Pet. It is such a comfort to know that you are contented with Alexeiev & find work with him easy. Is Dragomirov going to be his help? A man may fall ill & its safer one who knows the affairs a little - wont it be easier if you come nearer - where there are more railway lines. - Mohilev is so far & with all the crowded trains passing. One ought really to do something more for the refugees - more food stations & flying hospitals - masses of children are homeless on the highroad & others die - all returning from the war - one says its bitterly painful to see. The governement is working out questions for the fugitives after the war, but its more necessary to think of them. - But God grant soon the enemy wont any more advance & then all will go on smoother. The news is most consoling wh. I read in the papers & much better editied, one feels another person writes it. - But Friend finds more fabrics ought to make amunitions, where goodies are made too. - I love all the news you give, the children & A. listen with deepest interest, as we live with you, for you from far.
Let M. Den be at the head of the garage for the moment, perhaps one can get him a place later in the navy again, as he loves & understands the work. Yes, do invite the foreigners, its far more interesting with them & one finds more topics for talking. I am glad Dmitry is alright - give him my love - but remember he ought not to remain there, its bad for him, of your own accord let him go, its unhealthy doing nothing, when all are at the war, & now he lives in gossip & plays a part. Only dont say Paul and I think so. Paul begs you to be more severe with him, as he gets spoilt & imagines he can give you advice. - Bless you Sweetheart for -fasting.
Perhaps you better give Samarin the short order that you wish Bishop Varnava to chant the laudation of St. John M1aximovitch because Samarin intends getting rid of him, because we like him & he is good to Gr. - We must clear out C: & the sooner the better he wont be quiet till he gets me & our Friend & A. in a mess - its so wicked & hideously unpatriotic & narrowminded, but I know it would be so & therefore they begged you to name & I wrote in such dispair to you. Poor Markosov has returned I must try & see him. It was lovely in church, only two hours, masses went to Holy Communion, every sort of person, lots of soldiers, 3 cosacks, Zizi, Isa, Sonia, Ania, Mme Dediulin & sister, Baby's friend, Irina, Jonk, Shah Bagov, Iussupov, Tchebytarev, Russin, Perepelitza, Kondratiev etc. We went below to kiss the images before service, upstairs the children found too shy work. Then we got your telegram to rejoice us & feel you with us the whole time - missed you awfully & still felt your sunny presence. Breakfast, luncheon (with Isa & Zizi) & tea on balkony. I made the dressings in the hospital, felt so energetic & full of inner joy. - Drove to Pavlovsk. Baby alright, cought wasps again. Vict. Erast. left to day for Mohilev. We are not going to church this evening, as are tired, the services twice dayly these four days were very long, but so lovely. The day of our stone to-day! -
I saw M-me Paretzki & she spoke much of you - she goes over to town for winter again - I gave her our group & said I shall ask you to sign it when you return, Have you any ideas of your plans?
This evening is a week you left - & how different are the feelings since - peace, trust & the new fresh pure beginning. That reminds me, wont you have the com. of Kovno Grigoriev quicker judged - it makes a very bad impression his wandering about like that, when one knows he gave up & left the fortress. Schulenburg hints this to me & another thing about the Semenovtsy - a sure thing, not gossip, Ussov, whom he can trust, told it him with tears - they simply bolted & therefore the Preobr. lost so many. Do find them a good brave commander. I hope, you do not mind my telling you all these things, they may be of use - you can have it found out & altogether make a clearing.
Many splendid, brave youngsters received no rewards - & high placed ones having got the decorations. As Alex. cannot possibly do all, my weak brain imagines, some special people might see to this, to look through the immense lists & watch that injustices are not done. - I n c a s e (as I dont a bit know whether you approve of Neidhardt) you name him & he presents himself. have a s t r o n g & frank talk with him see that he does not go Djunk. line Put the position of our Friend clear to him from the outset, he dare nut act like Stcherb. & Sam. make him understand that he acts straight against us in persecuting & allowing him to be evil written about or spoken of. You can catch him by his amour propre. And forbid the continuing of cutting down the Barons mercilessly, have you remembered about dispersing the Lett. bands amongst the regiments? Is nice Dimka with you? I am going to see Maximov who returned from Moskow. Sweety, remember to use the suite (other Pen dried up) to be sent to the different fabrics in your name - please do it. it will have an excellent effect & show you watch all & not only the Duma pokes her nose into all - make a careful choice. Beloved, A. just saw Andr. & Khvostov & the latter made her an excellent impression (the old man is against him, I not knowing him, dont know what to say.) He is most devoted to you, spoke gently & well about our Friend to her, related that to morrow has to be a question about Gr. in the Duma one asked for Khvost's signature, but he refused & said that if they picked up that question, amnestie would not be given - they reasoned & abolished again asking about him. He related awful horrors about Gutchk., was at Gorem. today, spoke about you, that by taking the army you saved yourself. Khvost. took the question about German over powering influence & dearth of meat, so as the left ones wld. not take it now the right ones have this question it is safe - she feels taken by him & has good impression. Gorem. wanted to present Kryjanovsky but I said you would never agree. Do talk him over except Neidhardt - I did not see his article then - I mean his speech of the Duma its difficult to advise. Are others against him or only the old man, as he hates all the Duma. Awfully difficult for you to decide again, poor Treasure - I cant say as I dont know the man. - She had a very good impression indeed. Talk him over with Gorem. Now I must sent this off. Hope you will clear out the Duma, only who can close it, if the old man is affraid of being insulted. I long to thrash nearly all the ministers & quickly clear away Stcherb. & Sam. back to his serious evacuation questions - you see the metrop. is against him. I hope to send you a list of names to-morrow for choice of decent people. Goodbye, Lovy, God bless & protect you, I kiss you without end & press you to my breast with infinite tenderness. Ever, Nicky mine, your very, very own
Love to old man & N. A Excuse rotten writing, but am in a great hurry & pen not famous. - If you could find a place for Paul out at the front, wld. be really a good thing & would not fidget you, under a real good clever general.
Is Bezobrasov's story cleared up?
Tsarskoe Selo, Aug, 30-th 1915
My own beloved Darling,
Again a lovely sunny morning with a fresh breeze - one appreciates the bright weather so much after the grey weather we had & darkness. With eagerness I throw myself every morning upon the Novoie Vremia, & thank God every day good-things are to be read about our brave troops - such consolation, ever since you came God really sent His blessing through you to the troops & one sees with what new energy they fight. Could one but say the same thing about the interior questions. Gutchkov ought to be got rid of, only how is the question, war-time - is there nothing one could hook on to have him shut up. He hunts after anarchy & against our dynasty, wh. our Friend said God would protect - but its loathsome to see his game, his speeches & underhand work. On Thursday their questions in the Duma are coming out, luckily a week late - could one not shut it before - only dont change the old man now, later when it pleases you, Gorem. agrees to this, Andron. & Khvostov - that it would be playing into their hands. They cannot get over yr. firmness, as had sworn they would not let you go - now you keep on in this spirit. You are still as full of energy & firmness, tell me Lovy?
Its horrid not being with you, Have so many questions to ask & things to say & alas, we have no cypher together - cannot through Drent. & by telegraph do not dare either - as others watch them - am sure the ministers who are badly intentioned towards me, will keep an eye upon me, & then that makes one nervous what to write. - We went to Church & then had luncheon on the balkony, Sonia too. - I received 5 of my Alexandr. as its their visit. - Then Maximovitch & we had a long talk about everything he was glad to see my spirits up & my energy & I begged him also to pay attention, & when he hears things that are not nice, to stop & to pay attention at the club - he has not been there for 5 months; when he is there of course nobody ventures to say anything, but he has been told, that not nice talkings were going on there & will pay attention - the same Css. Fred. told him about Orlov who before him neither dares say anything incorrect. 0. now spreads that our Friend had him sent away - others say he lives at T. S., as before they said we had Ernie here.
I saw Mme Ridiger, the widow of one of the Georgian officers, he is buried at Bromberg - I have asked her to look after my Sanatorium at Massandra. Here is wire A. got from our Friend just now.
"On the first news of the Ratniki being called, inquire carefully when our (his) government is to go. Gods will, those are the last crumbs of the whole. Gracious St. Nicolas, may he work miracles." - Can you find out when those of his government (Tobolsk) are taken & let me at once know - I suppose in yr. staff all is marked down exactly. Does it mean his boy, but he is not a ratnik. So strange, when Praskovia left, he said she would no see her boy again. -
Maksim. found hospitals in good order, but the atmosphere needing strong hand to keep order - he finds Yussupov ought to go back again & not stick here, with wh. I agree. - Botkin told me, as Gardinsky (Ania's friend) was returning fr. the south,- where he had been to see his mother, in the train he heard two gentlemen speaking nasty about me & he at once smacked them in the face & said they could complain if they liked but he had done his duty & would do it to all who allowed themselves to speak so. Of course they shut up. - Just energy & courage are needed, & all goes well. - Am anxious, no wire fro you, whether you got my telegram last night about the Tail - Khvostov he made such an excellent impression upon her, & I should like you to have read my letter before settling with Gorem. & did you get both letters Saturday. - You are too far away, one cant get at you quickly. -
Only quickIy shut the Duma before their "question" can come out. Continue being energetic. Maksim. was delighted. To Botk. I told a lot to make him understand things, as he is not always as I should wish - he said I know all & could make him understand things he was unclear about. I talk away, its necessary to shake all up & show them how to think & act.
Can you give, or send through yr. man the enclosed letter to N. P. not through Dmitri only - as he wld. make remarks that we write. It will amuse you how Anastasia writes to him. - I enclose a petition from our Friend, you write your decision upon it, I think it certainly might be done. - Aeroplans are flying overhead, I am in bed, resting before dinner - If there is anything interesting, can yr. Mama & I get the news in the evening as its long waiting till the next morning. - Now must end. Goodbye & God bless you my Beloved, my Sunshine, my life. Miss you greatly. Kiss you over & over again. Ever yr. very own wify
Bow to old man. - It seems La Guiche when here shortly, spoke against N. being changed, in the club (Sandro L. heard it) so be a little careful what sort of man he is. - All look upon yr. new work as a great exploit.
A. kisses you very tenderly. Please quickly give me an answer.
Tsarskoe Selo, Aug. 31-st 1915
My sweet Beloved,
Again a sunny day - I find the weather ideal, but Olga freezes, its true, the "fond de l'air" is fresh. - I am glad you had a good talk with the old one as our Friend calls Gorem. what you mention as having put off till your return, I suppose means the change of the Minister of the Interior - how good if you could see Khvostov & have a real talk with him & see whether he would make the same favorable, honest, loyal, energetic opinion on you as upon A. - But the Duma I hope will at once be closed. -
Paul is not well, suffers, has fever, a colique wh. he has not had for many months, so is in bed - besides he is worried about D. If I could get some sort of an answer about himself if you can make use of him at the front or H.-Q. & whether you are not sending D. to his regiment - I could go & tell him this. - Wont you send for Misha to stay a bit with you before he returns, would be so nice & homely for you, & good to get him away from her & yr. brother is the one to be with you. I am sure , you feel more lonely since you left the train alone in a house for breakfast & tea must be sad. Will you come nearer? And when about do you think of returning for a few days - difficult to say no doubt, but I meant on account of changing Stcherbatchev & "macking" the Ministers, whose behaviour to the old man & cowardice, disgust me. - I went this morning to Znam. with my candels, there I picked up A. & we went to the red Cross. She sat for an hour with her friend, whilst I went over both houses. The joy of the officers, that you have taken over the command, is colossal, & surety of success. Groten looks well but pale. Then I went to our hospital & sat in the different wards. After lunch I received, then went to A.'s to see Alia's husband who leaves for the war again to-morrow, & she with her Children to town. We took a nice drive, lunched & had tea on the balkony.
Now Baby has begged me to take him to Anias to see Irina T. & Rita H., but I wont remain there & shall finish this when I return.
Well, I sat there 20 m. & then I went to pray & place candles for you my Treasure, my own sweet Sunshine. "Ono says" you are returning on the 4-th for a committee of ministers?! Aeroplans are flying again overhead with much noise. - Baby has written his letter quite by himself, only asked Peter Vass. when not sure about the spelling. Gr.s wife has quickly left, hoping to see her Son still is so anxious for Gr.'s life now. -
Goodbye my Angel. God bless, protect you & help you in all. Very tenderest kisses Nicky love, fr. yr. own old
How nice that you saw Keller, such a comfort to him I am sure.
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